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Secondary Infertility: How to Respond to Annoying Questions

Whitebed_mYou have heard about infertility, a disease that impacts 1 in 7 couples. You may even have friends or family members that grapple with it. But not you. You have gotten pregnant and had a baby before. Once fertile, always fertile. Right?

There are so many painful aspects of infertility, but Dr. Mark Rispler frequently works with couples experiencing trouble getting pregnant again.

Secondary infertility, a diagnosis that affects 30 percent of infertile couples, tends to sneak up on people. Innovative Infertility Center treats the disease, with targeted infertility treatment and advanced options for both male and female causes.

In addition to the physical hurdles to overcome, we know that the psychological strain of secondary infertility is especially taxing.

Counterpoints to Secondary Infertility Comments

What do you say to friends and family members that assume if you can get pregnant once, the second time is guaranteed? Dr. Rispler and the clinical care team, in talking with couples dealing with secondary infertility, compiled these suggested responses to comments from the well-meaning, but uninformed, people in your life:

At least you have one child already.”

I have the right to feel sad. I am grateful for the amazing gift that I have, but that doesn’t detract from my desire to get pregnant again. In fact, knowing the miracle of pregnancy and motherhood only strengthens my resolve to keep trying.

“Just relax and you’ll get pregnant. Keep on trying.”

Even physicians can downplay the seriousness of secondary infertility. Don’t wait too long to partner with a fertility specialist, especially if some time has passed since the last pregnancy and birth. A good rule is to seek fertility treatment after one year of actively trying, without results, to get pregnant.

“When are you going to give {Name} a brother or sister?”

We will add to our family when it is medically possible to do so.

It’s important to acknowledge the feelings you have—guilt, frustration, anger and hurt. People dealing with secondary infertility often also feel isolated. Even the infertility community doesn’t seem to understand. Take action by consulting with a fertility specialist like Dr. Rispler, or finding a support group consisting of couples with secondary infertility.